If I Can't F*#% I'm Gonna Eat Dessert

cassandra hope banana muffin.JPG

K, I mean, obvi I can you-know-what, but I’m choosing not to.

Celibacy by choice.

Drama free life by choice.

I’m enjoying life without romantic energy and it feels really (really) good.

I read an article a while back from Mind Body Green or one of those types of platforms on the topic of “What happened when I stoped dating for a year”. I found it fascinating. No texting, no crushes - nothing for one full year.

God, that sounded peaceful to me. I had no idea how to get started. I could feel that it would be so damn good for my soul to just take a frigging year out of my life, after 25 years of dating, to just be alone. To invest the energy I’d be putting into a romantic love into my own healing, my family (chosen family included) and my business.

Well, it’s been a few months now and it’s working. Don’t ask me how, it’s just like this maturity has clicked and my 24/7/365 willingness to stand alert and ready to jump into the proverbial game of double dutch and scramble to find my flow with someone just … ended.

Poof. Gone.

I guess all this personal development and work on self love, boundaries and relationships is actually setting in.

Ugh, thank god. It’s been an exhausting 25 years.

I’m not too worried about who I’ll end up with or when. Life is sweet rn and I’m enjoying the peace and quiet. But I have always been a very passionate person and that passion needs to be channeled somewhere.

Rn it’s channeled into banana bread and cookies.

Oh, and chocolate zucchini muffins with rose and chocolate avocado frosting….and keto twix bars.

And on Sundays I whip a little lemon loaf up with a lemony sugary glaze.

Free from gluten, dairy, sugar, toxins and drama.

It’s orgasmic. And it better be! It’s my one thing.

I’ve cut out so much garbage to create the path for deep healing both mentally and physically. That means no frivolous fun with boys, food that will hurt me vs heal me or drugs and booze that will deter me from my path to self-empowerment.

So, monk fruit extract and I have become very close friends and I’m ok with that.

I’ve chosen sugar free desserts as my new crush because they comfort me. They’re so nutrient dense that they nourish me and balance my blood sugar levels. They don’t feed the pathogens I’m working to kill while on this detox and they certainly don’t make me gain unwanted weight associated with the sugary desserts I’ve choose to eat in the past.

It’s kind of a win-win-win.

No drama, no health issues, and I get to be creative, I’m happy and I have something to look forward to that feels naughty but really isn’t.

So, to raise my dopamine levels from a healthy place and get the sense of connection I would normally look for from a dude, I’m leaning on my low carb and healthy dessert recipes. The flavour of the week is My Sugar Free Banana-less Banana Muffin with Maple Glaze.

Skip the heartbreak and drama and dig into these muffins instead. I promise you won’t be ghosted, get knocked up or play any mind games with these babies. Just pure joy.

***If you’re suffering from SIBO or IBS you may not want to make these as they contain ingredients that are often triggering of gut health symptoms in those with chronic gut inflammation. Email me if you’d like to learn more about why***

Sugar Free Banana-less Banana Muffin with Maple Glaze



1/2 cup butter flavoured coconut oil (or regular coconut oil)

1 1/3 cup almond flour

6 tablespoons golden flax meal

2 tablespoons psyllium husk

2 tablespoons coconut flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon xanthan gum

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

4 eggs

1 cup Lakanto monk fruit extract

3 teaspoons banana extract

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

6 tablespoons sugar free, plain coconut yogurt

1 cup roughly chopped peans or walnuts


1/4 cup butter flavoured coconut oil (or plain coconut oil)

1/2 cup Lakanto sugar free maple syrup

1/2 cup Lakanto monk fruit sugar

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Whip It Up Like So

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray muffin tin with coconut oil or line with paper cups

  2. Toss all ingredients for muffin in a food processor or high speed blender. Mix for 2 - 3 minutes or until the consistency is dough-like.

  3. Fold in the nuts.

  4. Evenly distribute the dough in muffin tins leaving them about 1/4 empty as these babies will rise.

  5. Place in oven and bake for 35 minutes, or until a knife comes out clean when inserted in the middle of the muffin. My oven took a little longer so be sure to check on them every 5 minutes after the 25 minute mark or so.

  6. Begin to make the glaze.

    1. Pour all glaze ingredients in a small sauce pan.

    2. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to a simmer.

    3. Simmer for 8 - 10 minutes then allow to cool for another 10 minutes or so.

    4. It should be thick once you stir it, like a frosting.

    5. Evenly spoon on top of muffins once they’re out of the oven.

  7. Allow to cool for 15 minutes before placing the glaze over top (I used a teaspoon).

  8. Keep in fridge for up to 7 days.

  9. Enjoy every second you’re devouring this decadent, delicious treat xo

Be Well With Hope
Cassandra Hope RHN + CPT + Mindset Coach

Cassandra HopeComment